Spotlight on Emotional Courage
I never really saw myself as a courageous person.
But come to think of it, there have been many times in my life where I have been deeply connected with the energy of courage in order to challenge myself, to get out of my comfort zone, or to make important decisions. Being courageous also means accepting to live with this gut wrenching fear when I have to do public speaking or get in the spotlight.
Every day, I coach people who also do not think they are brave. These are, for example, women who are also mothers and decide to start a business, employees who want to improve their relationships and communication at work, leaders who must take on a new role, as well as professionals who are considering a career change. For all of these people, too, courage is at the heart of what they experience on a daily basis.
Ultimately, perhaps it is our definition of courage that changes our ability to recognize whether or not we are courageous in many situations. So we can ask ourselves: With whom do we compare ourselves in order to know if we are brave or not? And how do we define courage?
We all have models of people who embody courage for us. Whether they are mythical and heroic characters from our imagination or real persons who have been courageously battling sickness, grief and/or loss of any kind.
Courage: an emotion in its own right
Besides the many representations that we have of courage, the fact is that courage is an integral part of the entire panoply of emotions that we experience on a daily basis. Courage is an emotion, just like fear, joy, frustration or shame. In our emotional vocabulary, we can thus feel: courageous, encouraged or discouraged.
The very etymology of the word "courage", rooted in old French, refers to the HEART (coeur). The seat of emotions and feelings. A place where we draw the energy of life. Courage is an emotion because like all others, it is felt concretely, physically, inside our bodies.
I would like to invite you to check in with yourself and ask yourself: What do I feel IN MY BODY when I experience the energy of courage? What do I feel in my stomach, in my heart, in my head?
You may be able to recognize particular bodily sensations or indicators, such as your heartbeat, heat, tension, a particular posture or facial expression, etc.
Emotional Intelligence to Develop Courageous Expression
I suggest that you see courage as a prism or a multifaceted kaleidoscope. Each of its facets shows up differently according to the situations in which we find ourselves. Sometimes we perceive courage in the embodiment of a posture or mindset, sometimes it is in developing another relationship with our fears and with taking risks. Courage can also be about accepting ourselves for who we are and expressing our authenticity with compassion and curiosity. Being yourself and vulnerable is no small task. Brené Brown speaks very well of the “Power of Vulnerability” in this book. Finally, courage is also about asserting yourself, setting and respecting your limits. In short, practicing courageous expression in a multitude of situations - at work and at home.
The emotional intelligence approach is very useful to me as I explore each aspect of this kaleidoscope of "courage" with my coachees. I am presenting below two key skills in emotional intelligence to develop courageous expression in coaching.
Emotional Self Awareness
In the EQ-i Model that I use with my coachees, Emotional Self Awareness “includes recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions. This includes the ability to differentiate between subtleties in one’s own emotions while understanding the cause of these emotions and the impact they have on one’s own thoughts and actions and those of others”.
We can clearly see in this definition that emotional self-awareness is based on the capacity for introspection in order to be able to recognize and put into words what we are experiencing, and understanding the impact it causes in ourselves and in others.
The development of this emotional intelligence skill is directly linked to the authenticity expressed in the energy of courage. Practicing emotional self-awareness to be true to oneself takes courage. This often means going through acceptance and letting go.
And I would add that in courageous expression there is another important element: self-compassion or empathy. Self-compassion is essential in order to observe with true curiosity and openness one's emotions and needs.
When I work with clients to improve this EQ skill, we often touch on limiting beliefs that are rooted in the lack of self-love, self-esteem and self-confidence - all part of another key EQ skill, self-regard.
2. Assertiveness
In the EQ-i Model that I use with my coachees, Assertiveness “involves communicating feelings, beliefs and thoughts openly, and defending personal rights and values in a socially acceptable, non-offensive, and non-destructive manner”.
This skill in emotional intelligence refers to the ability to regulate emotions that emerge in a situation that requires responsible self-expression. When we do not assert ourselves, speak our truth, or set and respect our own boundaries, we may be experiencing discouragement, frustration, shame, and fear. Connecting to the energy of courage allows us to experience these emotions differently because we choose to stay aligned with our authentic self instead of repressing it.
In coaching, I work with my clients to improve their emotional expression - which also includes the ability to successfully recognize and communicate their NEEDS. Together, we define strategies to express them responsibly (for themselves and for others). These techniques allow them to respect what they hold dear, such as their core values - and gain more confidence in the process.
How do you stay connected to the energy of courage on a daily basis?
If you want to explore this theme of emotional courage further, and find strategies to develop a better relationship with your fears, I offer two completely FREE solutions!
If you are bilingual in French, listen to my new Podcast Le Courage.
Book a free 30mn consultation with me through this link.
As always, I look forward to reading your thoughts in the comment section :)
Coach Virginie