Transforming a Work Relationship Through Mutual Recognition
By Coach Virginie
Throughout my coaching experience, I have witnessed professional relationships transform—sometimes radically—thanks to simple acts of recognition or words of affirmation. The story I’m sharing today illustrates how two individuals I worked with in team coaching, Mary** and her manager, John**, overcame tensions that were impacting their trust at work and how they redefined their collaboration through the intentional practice of recognition.
** Names used here are fictional to preserve the confidentiality and anonymity of my clients.**
The Context
Mary, an analyst in a large financial institution, had been feeling undervalued by her manager, John, for several months. Despite her efforts and significant contributions to the team’s projects, she received little feedback, which fueled her frustration and disengagement. On his end, John, overwhelmed with responsibilities and overworked, noticed the growing tensions but didn’t know how to ease them or communicate his observations and expectations to Marie more effectively.
The Trigger
During an individual coaching session, I helped John realize that his lack of recognition might be one of the reasons for the increasing distance between him and his team, particularly with Mary. He agreed to try a new approach: regularly expressing sincere and specific appreciation to his team members.
Practicing Mutual Recognition
John started by observing the strengths and contributions of each team member. With Mary, he highlighted her key role in the successful completion of a recent project, making sure to be specific in his words of affirmation (e.g., “Your in-depth analysis helped identify critical opportunities for our business strategy. Thank you for your commitment and insightful comments.”).
At first, Mary was surprised by this approach, but she then expressed her own appreciation for John, acknowledging his support during key moments of the project. This new dynamic opened up more authentic communication between them. It also had positive ripple effects on the rest of the team, who started sharing and celebrating each other’s contributions more openly.
The Results
Within a few weeks, interactions among team members, particularly between John and Mary, shifted in tone. Mary felt more valued, which boosted her motivation, confidence, and engagement. John, in turn, realized that the recognition he expressed not only improved his relationship with Marie but also strengthened the overall team dynamic.
The Keys to Success
For this practice of recognition to be effective, three essential aspects must be considered:
Specificity in recognition: Simply saying, “Thank you for your work” isn’t enough. John learned to be precise about what he appreciated, such as the quality of Mary’s analysis or her proactive involvement.
Reciprocity: Mary demonstrated that recognition should not be one-sided. By also acknowledging John’s efforts, she reinforced their collaboration.
Consistency: Recognition was not a one-time action but an ongoing practice. It became a habit embedded in their professional relationship.
Conclusion: The Impact of Recognition
This story highlights that mutual recognition can be a powerful lever for improving not only individual relationships but also the overall team dynamic. Whether you are a leader or a team member, incorporating recognition into your daily work interactions can transform your workplace and foster greater trust among colleagues.
Coach Virginie
And You?
When was the last time you expressed recognition to a colleague or your manager? What impact did you observe?